I am vanishing for awhile. All my art is in storage and I have basically erased everything else, including my journal history. I am going through in incredibly difficult time right now and it's all internal; compounded by various life situations that have no remedy any time soon. Holiday blues only deepens this.

I wish I had someone to talk to, someone face-to-face...someone who could look at me and see that this is not just internet drama, soap boxing, drama-llama moment or anything else of the sort. I wish you could see how dull my eyes have become; how hard I fight not to hurt someone or something every single day; how I have to fake every damn smile at work. I wish you could see what this is doing to me. This is real, and it has no word of definition that would even come close...best I could do was what I used for the title.

I don't know when I will return. I stopped drawing almost altogether, so I don't feel comfortable taking any commissions; even though I could really use the money. Art has no meaning or real reflection for me anymore, and seems to have followed suit of my writing, dreaming, soul walking, and socializing in any way, shape, or form. I go to work and I sleep...I don't even really eat anymore.

...I seem to be becoming an Angel of Death...a tag that has followed me for a long time, one that I used to acknowledge...but let die. It is a calling I haven't had the courage to answer, and I still don't, however it doesn't seem that I really have a choice anymore. Angel of Death can be taken many ways, so take it however you want...I don't feel like explaining.

If you need me, which I doubt (no offense) I will still be reachable from time to time through email. I am rarely on IMs since I don't have a laptop and only get to run IMs on my cell. I am most reachable via text message, but I am not about to post that here. I may still swing by here from time to time, I don't know, we'll see. I've tried to hold my chin up and be optimistic, but in truth, I am dangerously numb. I will list an email where you might be able to send me a howl if you have any questions...or whatever.

scimora.nahawen@gmail.com (this is not just my paypal email, this is a functioning email as well, and is used for friend communications since my HorizonRider email gets flooded with spam and other business stuff)

So...have a Happy Holidays...may it be brighter then mine.